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However, as the program has experienced more demand, the wait time has increased for those who take advantage of the free service. Tragedy struck Tuesday when a student was faced with a wait so long that it robbed him of his mortality. Onlookers could only watch in horror as sophomore Sam Tierney was slowly disassembled by the forces of entropy before the student-operated escort service could arrive. Forever the optimist, Sam was heard defending Saferide to his friends, announcing, Theyll be here in just a sec, and Guys, nobody is even drinking on Tuesdays. Generations of eyewitnesses watched in prolonged agony as Sam steadily deteriorated into a mound of ashen remains over the course of many millennia. This most recent tragedy comes on the heels of a string of student check-ins at the Health and Wellness Center after using the Safe Ride service. A clinical advisor reported that students displayed sudden personality changes such as a profound interest in cushioned toilet seats, Wheel of Fortune, the late, great Rock Hudson, and other age-related symptoms. However, this latest development shocked even doctors: A students slow desiccation in the steady unyielding drumbeat of time and space as he waited for the campus ride program to arrive. In an effort to mitigate wait times, Safe Ride has proposed some alternatives to the program, including piggyback rides from a tired man named Todd, a king-size bedsheet that may be held aloft in case of strong winds and a bag full of carpenter ants you may attempt to convince to carry you to your late-night destination all which have been determined to be faster than the current system. Although these ideas provide a glimmer of hope, some still are haunted by the memory of a student reduced to a silty collection of granulated human remainder as he waited for the student taxi service. Written by: Parker Nevin phnevin@ucdavis.edu Some Related Posts Understanding what free speech entails is essential to a democratic society Leave a Comment

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"We will move them all, of course, when this nightmare is over," the man said. A ninth shallow pit remains empty, in seeming anticipation of the war's next victim. ISLAMIC STATE BURIALS The Mosul campaign, involving a 100,000-strong alliance of Iraqi government troops and militarized police, Kurdish security forces and mainly Shi'ite Muslim militiamen, is the most complex battle in Iraq since the U.S.-led invasion in 2003. Throughout the fighting, most residents have stayed in the northern city, Islamic State's last major stronghold in the country and the largest urban center anywhere across its self-styled caliphate in Iraq and neighboring Syria. That has complicated the task of Iraq's military, which must fight among up to 1.5 million civilians in built-up areas against an enemy that has targeted non-combatants and hidden among them. Adjacent to the schoolyard gravesite in al-Qadisiya is an open field which residents said was the site of a fierce confrontation last year between advancing Iraqi forces and Islamic State militants. An exterior wall was knocked through and other school buildings have been heavily damaged by rockets and suicide bombers. Weeks after the clashes, a few charred body parts are still visible. One explosion had carved a crater in a cement patio. It is now filled in with brown dirt.

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